WARNING: Mild D/s activity. If you are not into this, then kindly skip over the middle section of this chapter.
There was a lot to think about. En route to Starbase 238.2, Uhura spent her time recuperating by sketching, reading and journaling. She took saucer walks every day, reveling in the freedom of being able to walk without security. She met many women on her walks around the ship. Spock worked 12-14 hour shifts on the bridge, training Trisha and Marlena in bridge protocols. Sheila visited every few hours to check on the baby, and so far all was well.
Whenever Sheila stopped by, she brought one or two ladies who were eager to meet Uhura. They expressed their gratitude for her role in the rebellion and the opportunity to actually advance and potentially have families. When Uhura expressed her doubt that such a thing could happen, they told her that it was only a matter of time before the women on board other starships got wind of what happened on the ISS-E and stage their own uprising.
“Once we reach Starbase 238.2 and word gets out that Spock has assumed the captaincy and promoted all women to the command crew, chief positions and department heads, that will be all it takes. Every woman will rise up and do the same. We were fortunate to plan our attacks at a time when the ISS-E was in the process of taking over a society, so maybe they’ll be as crafty in their plans.”
“I just don’t want any more women to be put in jeopardy,” Uhura said.
One of the ladies, a social scientist named Liz, said, “We’ve been in jeopardy since we started serving on board these starships. Things were okay when we were planet-side and then we get out into space and things got worse. The captains have absolute power and they do what they want. Kirk was no different. He let the men run wild and pretty soon, we were too scared to protest. But there comes a point when you get tired and you have to fight back. When we heard about you and your sweet little baby, that was our call to action. It’s like we were waiting for a reason to rebel. I’m so glad you’re here, Nyota. Life is good now.”
Uhura had learned that Kirk was responsible for many women having to abort their babies or miscarry.
The other lady, a cartographer named Mari, grinned. “You know we’re getting Vulcan-style combat training now!”
“I heard,” Uhura said, recalling her own lessons. “Who’s teaching you?”
“That hot Vulcan stud named K’avir, I think. But three other Vulcans are also instructing us. The captain wants us to be skilled in our hand-to-hand combat. Even though we’re now safe on board this ship, whenever we go other places, we need to be able to defend ourselves. There will be a whole lot of people who won’t like what we did, and so we need to be prepared. I love the knife work. I’m actually learning how to use my knife as opposed to it completing my uniform.”
Liz smiled. “And we’re getting a choice of new uniforms when we get to base. I hear we can get pants if we want. That’ll be a relief.”
“The captain has been more than considerate with our requests,” Mari said. “He listens to everything we have to say and actually considers it. I never knew that Captain Spock was such a fair man. I mean, he practically ignored us before.”
Liz hugged Uhura. “Thank you so much! Can I touch the baby?”
“Yes,” Uhura said.
Liz put her hand on Uhura’s belly. “Hi, little one! Just wanted to stop by and thank you and your mom! Now, we’re going to leave you two to rest.”
Liz and Mari left. Sheila smiled and ran a tricorder over Uhura’s belly. “So far, so good. How’s your appetite?”
“Good. I’m eating all the time now. When will we arrive at the base again?”
“A day or two. You’ll be able to beam down if you want.”
“I thought Trisha said that a pregnant woman shouldn’t beam anywhere.”
“No, she said that you shouldn’t under the conditions that brought you here. You can do a regular transport. You know Spock has her and a team of engineers working on the problem as well.”
“He does?” She hadn’t known. But they didn’t speak of it when he returned to their suite. Their evenings were spent in exploration.
“Yes. If you really want to leave us, then he’s going to find a way. Though I hope you change your mind.”
“Sheila…” Uhura shook her head.
“I know,” she replied. “I know. You were taken against your will and he was wrong for that.”
“Do you think it is possible for you to forgive him for it, Nyota? I mean, only you can know for sure. I’m not trying to influence you in that area, but I do want you to stay with us. Spock really, really loves you. I even suspect that he kidnapped you because he saw something in you that he desperately needed. He’s devoted to you. He’s very sexy and I get the impression that underneath his stoic exterior he is a very romantic and passionate man. That’s not something he could indulge in before, and maybe it was stagnating him not to have balance. Maybe that was why he was so ambivalent about things. Everyone needs an outlet, even our captain. Still waters run deep, as they say.”
Uhura could not dispute a single word Sheila said. “He told me early on that he felt like I could give him stability. He also told me that I was his one extravagance. He does indulge me,” she said, thinking about the past few nights. “I can have whatever I want and most times, I don’t have to ask. He knows. He knows me so well.”
Sheila eyed her curiously. “He’s a telepath.”
Uhura rubbed her belly. “I’m well aware of that.” Was she ever.
A long moment passed. Then Sheila looked at her tricorder.
“The baby is doing fine. Now, and I bet that what I’m about to say is moot, but you shouldn’t have sex for at least another week. At least.”
Uhura blushed, thinking about the night she was released from sickbay and two nights ago.
Sheila shook her head. “You didn’t!”
She shook her head. “Nyota, you’re still healing. Once is fine, but please don’t make it a daily habit like before. Yes, we know that you two were boning almost every day because you always had that ‘I’ve been fucked and fucked well’ expression on whenever we saw you. I admit to being jealous as hell, but I’ll get that fine ass K’avir to take care of the problem. But you don’t need to be sleeping with your husband every night. Not right now.”
“It was only once,” Uhura said. “We couldn’t help it…” She blushed hard at the memory, for it was a very good recent memory.
Sheila nodded. “Well the tricorder says all is well, and I’m not about to tell grown folks what and what not to do. Just be careful.”
“Believe me,” Uhura said, “Spock won’t do anything that might even harm a hair on the baby’s head, if it had hair.”
“Good. Before I go, can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”
“What kind of life did you lead before you got here?”
Uhura sighed, adjusting in the bed. “A fairly quiet one. I worked a lot, double shifts usually. I had a few acquaintances, no one I was exceptionally close to. I read a lot in my down time and sang in the lounge whenever the mood struck. I was…content.”
“You can sing?”
“I like to sing.”
“Well, can you hit a note or two for me?”
Uhura blushed and cleared her throat. She thought for a second and started singing an old 20th century Earth tune, ‘At Last’ by Etta James and lost herself in the song. When she finished, Sheila clapped. Sheila didn’t ask why Uhura chose that particular song, as she was sure that Uhura would say it was a random choice.
“Girl, you can blow! You never told us that you could sing. But then again, this wasn’t the place for it.”
“Yes,” Uhura said.
“Did you have a boyfriend? Someone you loved?”
Uhura closed her eyes. Sheila was her friend and there was no point in keeping the secret. She knew Sheila wouldn’t tell. “I had a crush on my universe’s Mr. Spock.”
“Get out! Did he return your affection?”
Uhura rubbed her belly. “No.”
“He didn’t? Why not?” Sheila found that hard to believe.
“I don’t think he had a clue that I liked him, but it wasn’t like I put it out there for him to see it. He’s very professional and…and…” It was embarrassing to remember now how that Spock practically ignored her. She felt foolish, but one couldn’t help who they were attracted to.
Sheila looked at her. “Not that I’m trying to down you or judge, because I can’t. But I might infer from what you said that you didn’t really have much of a life back there and the man that you loved didn’t know you existed outside of your duty. It’s not like that now, Nyota. Quite the opposite, in fact.”
“I know,” she said. It was something that she thought about a lot in her quiet time. It was the subject of many journal entries.
Sheila continued. “Here, you have a chance at career advancement, true girlfriends, and a baby on the way. And a man that adores you, and if I read you right, gives you the kind of sex you need and want. That’s not something you find every day. Especially the sex part. I know sex isn’t a foundation for a relationship, but one can’t exist without it. In harmony, that is.”
“I’m aware of that, Sheila. Believe me; I think about it a lot. It’s just that I didn’t have a choice about any of it.”
“If you could choose, if you had had a choice knowing what you do now, would you choose this life? The way it is now?”
“Sheila, I don’t know.”
“Well, I’m not going to bug you about it. I know you got a lot on your plate. But I have to tell you, you look absolutely beautiful. Your hair is fabulous. You look so good. Not that you were ugly, but…”
Uhura laughed. “Get out of here, girl.”
“I’ll check on you tomorrow. Are you going to feel like going down to the base when we arrive?”
“Maybe. I’m not as tired as I used to be and I can get around so much better than before. Besides, I’d like to see for myself everything that’s going on. But before I can do any of that, I’m going to need some new uniforms. I can’t wear hardly anything now other than Spock’s robe and my sweats.”
“He’ll take care of that,” Sheila said. “Good. I’ll see you later.” And she was gone.
Uhura got up to move around. She could no longer wear her uniform. Spock told her that he would get her some maternity wear once they arrived at Starbase 238.2. When she was in her quarters, she wore Spock’s dark red robe, as it was far more comfortable than her own. She stood and looked in the mirror as she nibbled on baby carrots. It seemed as if she was hungry all the time, but it was okay because Spock kept healthy snacks for her to eat.
She opened the robe and stared into the mirror. She was nearly seven weeks. Her breasts were larger and they hurt all the time now. But she liked the hurt and enjoyed the dull throb in her nipples. She was learning that she liked that sort of thing. Spock was helping her explore her sexuality. She was learning her limits, slowly but surely. A few days ago, she told him over lunch that she wanted to begin their dom/sub relationship. He told her that they could wait until after the baby was born, but she insisted. She grabbed his hand and looked into his eyes.
“I don’t want you to do this if you’re not ready, Nyota. You are six weeks and four days into your pregnancy. I would not risk anything that might make you uncomfortable.”
“I want to do this and you told me that there were mild forms we could engage in. I want this. I want to know this side of me. I’m curious about my limits and all the stuff I found in your redwood chest. I want to know if I have quirks like yours.”
He stared at her, his face impassive. “Are you positive, my love?”
“You do realize that this begins with you; that I will respond to what you do and what you want.”
“What will you respond to?”
“Your behavior and whatever it is that I sense from you, because I am aware that you cannot always voice what you desire. You know that I am aroused by impertinence. However, I will ensure that you are very comfortable and that your body does not undergo undue stress. I would not risk our baby.”
“I know that.” She stared at him. “I trust you.”
She met him at the door later that evening, fresh from a shower. He greeted her with a kiss and then knelt to kiss her belly. He always spent a few seconds caressing her stomach. She would stand and let him, allowing her mind to run free. Afterwards, they usually took a shower together and she thought about how he would bathe her, covering every inch of her with thick lather and rinse her with the detachable shower head. And how he would lay her on the bed and massage her with warm body oil and then brush out her hair. It was a superb experience.
But he stood up and put one hand to her throat. She inhaled sharply, as it was completely unexpected. He stared into her eyes and she put her hands around his wrists. He squeezed.
She looked at him and she trusted him. Her throat constricted and he squeezed a little harder. She gripped his wrist tighter, closing her eyes and enjoying the rush of adrenalin. It was crazy, but she liked it. She liked it. She wanted more.
He compressed a little harder.
Her breath began to whistle and she closed her eyes. She saw dots and felt butterflies in her stomach. She moved her hands from his wrist.
It was such a delicious sensation, but she couldn’t go any further. Not now. She had the baby to think about.
“Fusion,” she whispered and he let her go. The air rushed into her lungs and she grabbed his hands.
“What did you feel?”
“I started worrying about the baby,” she said. She coughed and caught her breath
“You could have withstood a little more pressure before it affected our child. I am aware of how far I need to go.”
“I know,” she said. “I just want to do this, I’m anxious and I’m curious.” She knew then that she liked the sensation of being choked and would let him know that she was willing to wear the collar in their private time.
He massaged her throat and she closed her eyes again.
“We have as much time as you will allow,” he said. “We will arrive at Starbase 238.2 in twenty-seven hours, fifty-six minutes and thirteen seconds. I do not know how long we will remain because the ship needs servicing and there are many administrative items to attend to. Also, the ladies get to select new and appropriate uniforms. And you are welcome to join me if you are up to it. I would like for you to know everything there is about the ISS-E in case you should decide to stay with me and become my first officer.”
She stared at him. He continued massaging her neck and throat. “I am giving shore leave to all off-duty personnel, so there will be a regular skeleton rotation manning the ISS-E. We will be undisturbed in the evenings and we can explore this as much as you desire. You know that I will give you anything you ask for.”
“I want this,” she said. “I am tired of reading about it, journaling about it and sketching it. I want to experience some of it before I get too big. I want to know how far I can go; where my boundaries are with myself and with you.”
“We will explore them, then.” he said.
The next night, she was at his feet again, sitting on four goosedown pillows. Her hands were cuffed behind her back and she was blindfolded. She could feel his legs on either side of her and he was extraordinarily still. The blindfold allowed her other senses to take over. She could hear his breathing and she could smell him. She could feel it when his leg muscles clenched and whenever he brought something to her lips, the taste was wonderful and overwhelming. He was feeding her various decadent foods and juices, cleansing her palate each time with water. She took the food from his fingers and sucked them when he ordered her to. It made her hot.
She was unaware of how much time she spent at his feet, as her mind wandered to pleasant places and things and she was not uncomfortable. However, her calm was broken by the need to urinate and she called the word. He released her, helped her up and escorted her to the bathroom. When she came out, he picked her up and carried her to the bed. She asked for the blindfold again. Spock warmed body oil and massaged her neck, shoulders, arms and hands until he knew she was completely relaxed and fell asleep to his ministrations.
The night after that, he came up behind her after dinner while she was brushing her hair and blindfolded her once more. He tied her wrists together with his sash and carried her to the bed. She found herself cushioned on her goosedown pillows and he raised her arms and affixed her bound wrists to the hook above the bed. It was high enough that she could feel the pull in her shoulders and upper arms. She moaned when he did it and her stomach fluttered with excitement. He tied a scarf around her mouth. She could have pushed the gag out with her tongue, but didn’t want to. She trembled with excitement and felt herself getting wet.
He spread her legs. She was in her pretty panties and T-shirt, but it would not be long before she would be unable to wear them. Her stomach was curving and her breasts were full and tender. Even though he knew they were constantly sore, she let him suck as hard as he wanted. He knew she liked the pain and it brought both of them great pleasure.
She sat there, feeling exposed for the longest time, anticipating what he would do. She heard him moving about, opening what sounded like the redwood chest. When he finally did it, she became so overwhelmed with passion that she climaxed. It was quick and unexpected. It was as if her body were beyond her control; all his, his to do what he wanted.
“Do not do that again,” he said.
It was so surreal, so dreamlike. He pushed her panties to one side. She heard a rattle and then felt his hand—ice cold!—at her sex, stroking. The other was at her breast and it felt like he was fondling her nipple with an ice cube. She gasped and bucked, but he continued to trace her hardened nipple and labia until she couldn’t help but squirm. It was so cold, but so erotic!
“Do not come again,” he whispered.
She took a deep breath, clenched her pelvic muscles and curled her toes into the bed. Her arms began to hurt. He moved one of the pillows to increase the tension. Then she felt something very soft and very warm.
“Um,” she moaned. She could not describe how it felt, nor would she have been able to tell him it was what she wanted, that she liked it, and that she would come to crave it. He just knew what would feel good to her and it felt so good…
Then she felt nothing and heard nothing. She hung there for what felt like hours but couldn’t have been longer than fifteen minutes.
“Do not move or speak,” he said. He did it again; a quick pop on the inside of her thigh. Not with his hand.
“Oh!” she gasped through the gag.
“I said do not speak,” he said.
Another pop on the other leg and she moaned again. She couldn’t help it.
“Do not make another sound,” he said.
The next pop was on the other thigh, near the place where the first pop was. She arched up off the bed in spite of herself.
“Mmmnh,” she groaned, twitching. She knew she was going to get disciplined for disobeying and the anticipation of what he might do nearly sent her over the edge. She felt his hands at the back of her head, tightening the gag.
“I will turn you over and use this on your ass if you make another sound,” he said. His voice had that rippled cadence that always managed to make her turn into liquid fire.
Behind the blindfold, she squeezed her eyes shut. A pulse rippled through her body and she curled her toes into the bed again. Uhura wanted to bite her lip but could not. She was totally helpless and she loved it. She felt the cold again over the hot places on her thighs; ice, ice cold and she exhaled and felt goosebumps all over. Then the ice moved over her clit once more and she climaxed again. She could not help it.
Then nothing. She felt Spock’s weight on the bed, heard him breathing. She heard a sound that she was familiar with but could not place. What was he going to do? Was he going to turn her over and use whatever that was on her ass? She knew he got it out of the redwood chest and tried to remember which object it would have been.
It had to be the short-handled silk whip. She remembered staring at it, fingering the soft tassels. She knew what it was used for, but this was the first time she experienced it.
He removed the gag and she felt the pillow back underneath her, relieving the stress on her shoulders. Then she felt his fingers at her waist and heard a familiar rip as her panties tore. He pushed her thighs together, trapping himself and it was then that she realized he was naked. Slowly, slowly, he entered her and kissed her lips to stifle her groan. He knew how far to take it, knew it intimately when he slipped within her, slick with the oil and her natural lubricants.
“G—g—g…!” she tried to say but words eluded her.
Spock reached up and locked his fingers with hers. She squeezed back. He pressed his beard against her cheek, his breathing deep and even. He fucked her like that, slowly, slowly and she felt every inch of him, his hardness, his searing heat as he moved inside of her. He felt so good, so hard, so…right, especially after what she just experienced. She thought he would turn her over and spank her with the whip, but this…this was so much better and she knew it wouldn’t hurt the baby.
Uhura felt him at her lips and returned his kiss, moving on instinct as she could not touch him. She gripped him with her thighs and pressed her body as close as she could without straining her neck and shoulders. He maintained control, moving achingly slow, drawing out her pleasure. She heard his growl and he teased her with his beard. He panted her name and told her that he wanted her just like this. That she was so beautiful and so desirable when she was this way; she was irresistible.
“Spock,” she moaned. “Spock, please…please…” She didn’t even know what she was asking for.
He claimed her mouth again and his beard scraped against her cheek. He took her tongue, sucked it, and then nibbled it. She could no longer hold it or control it. Her supersensitive body thrummed from within at the feel of him fucking her like that, hanging from a bed hook blindfolded. In her mind’s eye, she saw the two of them fused together, as if his sash was once again tied around them both. The image of that made her climax once more and this time he joined her.
The next night, she was too tired to do anything but sleep. That was one of the days when she suffered from nausea and a headache and she wanted to sleep all day. Spock cared for her and slept with her in his arms.
Uhura stared at herself for a very long time. Her body was changing, but it was now catching up with her mind, her spirit and her heart. Sheila’s voice was in her head and she could not help but think about what her friend said. She was too logical a woman not to examine the situation from all sides.
Spock kidnapped her, plain and simple. Everything that happened after that was a direct result of his sabotage. And if it was possible that she was experiencing a form of Stockholm’s Syndrome, then it was for the best that she go back home. But there were things that she had to consider.
Could she forgive him for taking her? That was his only transgression; keeping her from beaming back to her world. Keeping her because something inside of him desperately wanted what only she could give him; something that her counterpart lacked. He told her that she had a heart; that she had the capacity to feel and could bring balance to his life. That he had been ambivalent about his role in the Empire and position on the ISS-E, but because of her had now taken charge to change things from within. He said she was the catalyst for a lot of things, and it was echoed in the voices of the now-free women on board this ship.
Could she forgive him for his selfish action even though it led to the very thing Captain Kirk insisted that Spock do? Was his act a worthy trade, a rational justification for bringing down the Empire? Kirk believed in the one for the many, but did that make it all right? Was her kidnapping worth the freedom of 260 women? She did not know.
She was going to be a mother, and that was something she never thought would happen. In seven months, she was going to deliver a child. She was coming to realize that she was forming a connection with the baby. She rubbed her belly a lot, humming unconsciously as she moved about her quarters and took her daily walks. She was forever changed and proof of that grew inside of her. She was not a selfish woman, but if she had the chance to go back home, she was taking her baby with her. She knew that Spock wanted the baby and that if she left, it would devastate him. That was a way to repay him for taking her away; to take his child away.
Uhura wondered if she were able to return to her universe what her life would be like. What would her world think? What would Captain Kirk think of her returning to the USS-E two months’ pregnant with the other Spock’s baby? Would they get within shouting distance of the truth? Could she look at that Mr. Spock without thinking of her Spock? For Sheila was right; this Spock was hers, all hers. It really didn’t matter if she couldn’t look at that Spock, for she had their child to remind her of her Spock. Forever.
She also had her true self, her newfound sensuality, her real womanhood; not the partial fantasy she constructed from the mythos of her youth and romance novels. Her life, her career on board the USS-E was as sedate as that universe’s Mr. Spock. She wasn’t thrilled, but content. Advancement wasn’t something she gave much thought to; she merely worked as hard as she could and left the rest up to fate and Captain Kirk. She knew that something in her life was lacking, but she always thought it was merely the presence of a good man; never mind that she pushed all those good men away for reasons then unknown to her.
And then there was the mere fact that her Spock knew her so intimately, her needs, her desires, and her fetishes. Knew how far to go and in what direction to go. Knew her in such a way that she had to wonder if another man could ever know her like that or even if she would allow it. Sex was no foundation for a relationship, but there was far more than sex between her and her baby’s father. She didn’t love him, but he loved her and according to her friends, thought of her as his wife. He had not mentioned it to her and she decided to ask him about it when he returned for the night.
What was it about her universe’s Spock that initially attracted her? Was it the unconscious assurance that he would never return her affections? Was it because it was safe to want a man who didn’t want you and therefore he couldn’t hurt you, but you could have your fantasies about him nonetheless? Was he anything at all like her Spock? Was he as passionate and sexually intense as the father of her child? Was he able to reveal himself like her Spock revealed himself to her? Was it even remotely possible that he had the ability to love as her Spock did?
Would she ever be able to reset her internal thermostat and return to her staid, lackluster life in her universe? Obviously, the Mirrorverse wasn’t just opposite; it was turned upside-down and inside-out and everything was amplified.
She didn’t know how to answer those questions.
When Spock returned to their quarters, she was curled up in her chair. Her hair covered her face. He removed his jacket and went over to her. He knelt before her and brushed her hair out of her face. She was so beautiful, even more so now that she was with child.
If she was asleep, he would put her in the bed. She wore nothing but his robe and he reminded himself that his first task once they arrived at Starbase 238.2 was to get her some appropriate attire.
“Spock,” she murmured. “When did you get in?”
“Just now,” he said. “Come; let me put you to bed.”
“I’m not sleepy,” she yawned.
“I fear that I may have demanded too much of you the night before last,” he said.
“No,” she murmured. “You didn’t do anything I didn’t want. Besides, I want to talk to you.” She yawned again.
“You have eaten your dinner?” He had been busy and was not able to join her.
“Yes. Marlena brought me some of that chicken-fried steak and potatoes…it’s so good.”
“Good,” he said. “Come, you must get your sleep.”
He picked her up and carried her to bed. “Do you want to sleep in my robe?”
“I can’t wear my nightgown anymore,” she said. “It’s too tight across the breasts and my sweats are too warm.”
“You may wear whatever appeals to you, my love. I must go and cleanse myself and then I shall join you and we can talk. If you are asleep, I shall not wake you.”
“No,” she said. “I want to talk to you. I’ll stay awake.”
“Very well.” He went into the bathroom. A little while later, he emerged in his black pajama bottoms and found her fast asleep. He dimmed the lights and got in bed beside her.
She stirred against him, warming immediately when he got in bed with her. “Spock?”
“I want you…I want you to indulge that…quirk you have; the one you mentioned the other night when I returned from sickbay.”
“You will let me shave you?”
“Yes,” she said. After a lot of thought and finding the topic addressed in one of Spock’s books, she decided that it would be kinky and safe for the baby. Besides, she wouldn’t have to do it and that would be a relief. Getting the angles right was a daunting task at times.
“Fine,” he said. “I will do it tomorrow night if you are feeling up to it.”
They lay there in the silence. She pushed closer to him, sighing. “I heard that you now refer to me as your wife.” She did not face him, but eased against his body.
“You would be if it were up to me. But I told you that everything you wanted after you aligned with me was your choice and that includes becoming my wife. I did not mention it because I know you want to go home and I am trying to accommodate you.”
She let that hang in the air for several moments. He continued. “I have no wish to be with another, even if you leave me. In my mind and my heart, you are my wife, my woman, mine, and were it my choice, no other man would have you. I am possessive when it concerns you and my child. I admit that.”
“You know that I don’t feel the same way, Spock. How could you so freely give your heart to me knowing that?”
“It was lost from the beginning,” he said. “When we were in the turbolift that first time, I knew that I wanted you, that you were the one I’ve been waiting for.”
She didn’t ask him how he knew that. Her emotions were so volatile at that time that she knew he could sense them.
He put his arms around her. “I will accept the consequences of my action in taking you, but I do not regret our time together. You have given me the capacity to feel; you are my heart. You are all that I ever wanted and never thought I would find in this universe. What man would blame me for seizing the opportunity? But I never apologized to you, Nyota, and it is time that I did.”
She sighed. “Spock…”
He pulled her close and inhaled the scent of her hair. “I am sorry that I violated your freedom of choice when I disrupted the transporter beam. I apologize for abducting you. I never intended for any harm to come to you, as it was always my greatest desire to protect you and to love you. I have never asked for your forgiveness, but I ask for it now.”
“Actually, you did. Twice.”
“When was that?” So much had happened that he did not recall it. That she remembered surprised him and he was not a man prone to being surprised by anything. She remembered.
“You asked me to forgive you shortly after you told me that Captain Kirk wanted to sleep with me. You also asked me to do it when you brought me dinner the second night I was here.”
“Ah,” he said, remembering. “Can you find it in your heart to forgive me, Nyota? I am not asking because I want you to stay. I am asking because I want you to look at me and our child without bitterness and dismay over a choice that was not yours. I do not wish for you to hate me even if you decide to leave me.”
“Spock,” she said again. “I don’t hate you.”
“But you won’t forgive me,” he said. “Please do.”
A very long moment passed. To his credit, he remained perfectly calm and still, holding her with his face in her hair. She wasn’t ready to deal with that. So she changed the subject. “Have you figured out a way to send me home, Spock? I must know.”
“There are three variables that I cannot account for,” he said without missing a beat. “I cannot re-create the ion storm. So I have Commander Baker’s assistants periodically checking the long-range sensors to see if any are taking place within an acceptable distance. I cannot calculate with any certainty above 29.2% that your Enterprise will be in the precise location for the beam-across to take place and put you somewhere safely on board the ship. I also cannot calculate with any certainty that your counterpart will be in an acceptable range. The chance of these simultaneous events occurring is .000012 percent. But I am trying, Nyota. I will do my best to do what you have asked me to, but I cannot promise that it will happen quickly.”
She caressed his arms. “Thank you, Spock. All I want is the chance to go home.”
He kissed the back of her head. “Then would you be my wife for the duration of however much time it takes? Would you allow me to be a father to my child? Would you let me love you during this time?” He did not ask if she would, or even could, love him. He would take whatever she gave him and he would never love another.
She ran her hands over his arms again. It was a reasonable request. He did not ask for her love, only to love her and their baby for as much time as they had left. He was already doing it and she knew he wouldn’t stop even if she said no. She admitted that it felt good to have his devotion, to have something she might not ever have in this magnitude again.
“Okay,” she said.