Rating: NC-17. Same old same old.
Pairing: Kirk, Spock and Uhura
Summary: Sequel to “Bulletproof Soul.” Can anything good come out of defective birth control?
Disclaimer: Still not mine, except the characters you do not recognize.
1. The Runaround
Kirk sat on one of the empty cots in Medical Bay, his head in his hands. He was surrounded by nine hysterical women, ready to attack him or Dr. McCoy. McCoy stood across from him, arms folded, red splotches in his face. McCoy requested his presence to Medical Bay not long after he and Spock returned to their quarters to see about Nyota. He had not even begun to process Nyota’s news before McCoy called him down. Apparently, Nyota was not the only woman on the Enterprise to get pregnant due to a defective birth control shot. Nine other women were also pregnant and they were furious. Kirk was trying his best to prevent a riot as the women screamed their frustrations.
“THIS IS YOUR FAULT!”
“THERE BETTER BE A HYPO TO UN-CONCEIVE!”
“MCCOY, YOU INCOMPETENT ASS!”
“I’M GONNA FUCKING SUE THE SHIT OUT OF STARFLEET!”
“YOU BETTER BE READY TO CARRY THIS LITTLE BASTARD!”
“GET THIS FUCKING THING OUT OF ME!”
“I DON’T EVEN LIKE KIDS AND NOW I’M CARRYING ONE?”
“YOU’RE GONNA BE A DAD AGAIN, YOU ASSHOLE! IT’S OKAY, TINA, YOU’RE ON THE SHOT! WHY THE FUCK DID I LISTEN TO YOU?”
“GOOD JOB DUMBASS!”
“YOU’RE GONNA BREASTFEED THIS MOTHERFUCKER, MCCOY!”
“THIS IS MEDICAL MALPRACTICE!”
“I SHOULD HAVE STAYED ON THE PILL!”
“CAPTAIN, IF YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT RESTRICTING MY DUTIES, I WILL HAVE YOUR ASS BROUGHT UP ON AN EEO CHARGE BEFORE YOUR BOYFRIEND CAN EVEN REMIND YOU OF THE REGULATIONS YOU VIOLATED!”
Kirk sighed. At a certain point, the expletives and insults started to come in languages he was not even sure his girlfriend could recognize. The yelling continued. The women screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed until Kirk couldn’t take it anymore. He stood up.
“Ladies, please. “ He held up his hands in a warding-off gesture and tried to get their attention, but the angry and tearful rants continued. They had every right to be upset and he understood that. However, he needed them to shut up so he could think.
“WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS CAPTAIN? DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD I’VE WORKED FOR MY CAREER?”
“I NEVER WANTED TO BE A MOTHER!”
“CAPTAIN, I DON’T WANT THIS BABY! I TRUSTED DR. MCCOY! I TRUSTED STARFLEET TO PROVIDE US WITH PROTECTION THAT ACTUALLY WORKED!”
“SO DID I! TRUSTING YOU BASTARDS WAS MY FIRST MISTAKE AND THE SECOND WAS NOT USING A CONDOM LIKE MY MOTHER ALWAYS TOLD ME TO!”
“THIS IS SOME STRAIGHT UP BULLSHIT!”
“MY FATHER IS GOING TO KILL ME AND THEN HE’S GOING TO KILL YOU!”
“MCCOY, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!”
Mayhem was about to ensue. Kirk had heard enough. He screamed as loud as he could. “SHUT THE HELL UP!”
The women all turned to face him and the room got quiet. Kirk rubbed the top of his head. “Ladies, please. I need there to be order right now. I know you’re upset. I know. Can we please act like professionals? I will talk to you shortly. Meet me in the main conference room in ten minutes. Right now I need to speak with Dr. McCoy. Dismissed.”
He used his best captain’s voice, hoping that they would obey his orders and leave without attacking him. But for a brief moment, Kirk felt as if he had absolutely no authority. The women glared at him and he was sure that they were going to turn and destroy sickbay instead of leaving the area. After a very long pause, they turned and walked out, grumbling amongst themselves. Kirk heard a lot of colorful language, but they weren’t screaming and he was relieved. He had been worried there for a minute.
Kirk turned to look at McCoy and there was no mistaking the fury in his eyes. McCoy could barely look him in the eye, but he managed to do so. He stood up and Kirk resisted the urge to punch his so-called friend. Barely.
“Bones, what the fuck happened?” He didn’t even try to hide his frustration. “How did this come about?”
“Jim…I’m really sorry about this; I am still trying to figure it out! The active hormone in the birth control injections degraded faster than normal and I didn’t realize it until now.”
Kirk could see the genuine worry on his friend’s face. He stared at him in disbelief. “What?”
“As I started to prepare the next series of injections, I ran tests on the previous batch to guarantee internal consistency. The hormone concentrations must be within appropriate limits. My results showed that the progestin decayed within a month as opposed to three months.”
Kirk stared at him, events clicking into place. “Are you saying that Nyota and all of these other women could have gotten pregnant within the last two months?” He stared at McCoy in a state of shock.
“Possibly, Jim. I can’t give you specifics because the decay was inconsistent. All I can tell you is that out of the two hundred women who serve on board the Enterprise, five percent was affected. You’ve met them all.”
Kirk closed his eyes, trying to process it all. His head was starting to throb. “Bones, you’re saying that Nyota could have been pregnant before Madir.” He had assumed that the child Nyota carried was Spock’s, based on Spock’s proclamation that Vulcan sperm was more motile than human sperm and because of the sheer time they were together in Madir.
Could the baby be his?
McCoy looked at him, hesitant. “Jim, it’s possible. I don’t know for sure.”
“Bones, this is personal for me. Nyota could be carrying my baby.” Kirk’s voice was pleading. Even though he had just accepted the possibility, he realized that he wanted it more than anything else. His baby. His child.
“Or Spock’s. If it’s possible that a hybrid can even conceive naturally.” McCoy couldn’t look him in the face when he mumbled the last. Kirk cocked his head. The possibility of Spock being sterile never occurred to him.
“The point is we don’t know whose child it is.”
“It’s too early to do any sort of paternity test, Jim, and I’m gonna have my hands full dealing with prenatal care for ten angry women to do a paternity test. I’m really sorry.”
“You had better backtrack and find out what happened, Bones. I will need specifics. Because when I report this to Pike, he’s going to blow his top, and you will have to be there to explain how ten women on the Federation flagship became pregnant simultaneously due to your negligence.”
Kirk folded his arms and looked down at the floor before looking back up. “Bones, there are ten pregnant women on this ship. What in the hell are we going to do with ten pregnant women at one time if they decide to carry the babies to term? Are we even equipped for this? What are we going to do? What am I going to say to these women and their partners? How are we going to deal with this? Ten? Ten? You fucked this up good, Bones! This is a disaster. I should not have to deal with something like this!”
At the sound of his friend’s voice, Kirk softened. “Look, I’m sorry for yelling. My head is reeling. Nyota’s pregnant and is it Spock’s child? Is it my baby? How many weeks pregnant is she? I’ve got all these questions that we need to work out and now…shit!”
But did it really matter whose child she carried? She loved them, they loved her and they loved each other. Besides, he had far more important issues to deal with other than paternity.
“Bones, look…I’ll talk to you later. I need to go and calm these women down.” With that, he left McCoy in the main wing.
The nine angry women were arguing among themselves when Kirk entered the conference room. When they saw him, they directed their anger towards him. He wasn’t about to put up with another verbal assault. He raised his hands. “Ladies, please. Please. One at a time. Let’s be rational.”
“Captain, what happens now?” It was Sgt. Tina McElroy, the personnel officer. “Not one of us planned to get pregnant; that was the reason for the injections in the first place, sir!”
“Sir, I would be upset to learn that this is going to have an adverse impact on my duty aboard this ship.” This was Koko Yubari, one of Spock’s scientists.
“I’m not married, sir! Pavel and I weren’t ready to start a family!” Ensign Iliya Vadasconovich.
Some random woman in Security reds: “Baby, it’s 2261. You don’t have to be married to start a family.”
Iliya turned on the woman like a cobra. “That is NOT how I was raised, Glynis!”
Glynis shook her head. “My mother was a single parent and I turned out fine. At least I did until I screwed that guy in the club. This is a big old mess! I can’t believe this shit!”
Kirk groaned. “Ladies, let me say this. No matter what happened, or didn’t happen, the fact remains is that you are all pregnant. That can’t be undone. I know these babies weren’t planned. I can assure you that you will be accommodated regardless of the choice you make. I will make sure that you are not inconvenienced if you decide to continue your pregnancy to term. Just work with me on this and please, please do not bombard me with complaints. I will speak with each of you individually so we can discuss your options. Just go back to your quarters and let me take care of this mess.”
“Captain.” It was Lieutenant Dana Hannity. “For those of us who decide to keep our babies, it will disrupt our duties, sir. Case in point: morning sickness and not just in the morning, but during the middle of shift. Frequent restroom breaks during Romulan attacks. Ergonomic chairs. Maternity uniforms and functional shoes that we shouldn’t have to tie. Do not forget the mood swings and hormone fluctuations. Prepare to get insulted.”
Kirk sighed but let her continue.
“All of us take our careers seriously, but the situation will impact how we do our jobs and you have got to understand that, Captain. Our bodies are going to change. We’re all professional and will do our very best to adjust, but this is something that our colleagues will need to consider and respect. Pregnancy isn’t a joke, sir.”
Kirk sighed again and nodded. It certainly wasn’t. “Ladies, if possible, you need to inform the fathers of your children before you make any decisions. And you need to give me their names. It’s only fair. I am going to have to make massive accommodations and I’m going to need your input.”
There was a pause and Kirk wondered if they were comfortable telling him that information. Just to make sure they knew they didn’t have a choice, he said, “That’s an order.”
Another pause. Then:
“Ensign Pavel Chekov,” Iliya said, hesitantly.
“Lieutenant Parker Morrow in Security, sir.” Dana said. She couldn’t look at him.
“Lt. Commander Montgomery Scott, Captain.” It was Charlene Masters and she said it with obvious irritation.
“Fucking stupid dumbass Len McCoy!” Tina screamed as she said the name of the man responsible for the mess. She looked ready to kill.
“Sir, I am embarrassed to say.” It was Barbara Jean Thornton and there was a hint of shame in her tone. “It could be Lt. Hikaru Sulu or Sgt. Donald Timmons in Stellar Cartography.”
Kirk looked at Barbara Jean, unable to believe what he was hearing. Sulu and Barbara Jean? She was almost twice his age, but she was an attractive woman. He frowned, as he was of the belief Sulu was gay.
Glynis looked at Barbara Jean. “Babs, you were sleeping with Sulu AND Donald?”
Koko rolled her eyes. “Really, Glynis, should anyone on this ship be surprised at the thought of a threesome?”
Kirk had the temerity to blush. “Sgt. Yubari, the father of your child, please? And you too, Sgt. Davis.”
Koko folded her arms and clucked her teeth. “I don’t know, sir. I had sex with about five different guys while we were in Madir.”
Glynis sighed. “That guy in the club. I was drunk, so I didn’t get his name, Captain.”
Kirk looked up at the ceiling. If the situation wasn’t so serious, it would be funny as hell.
Janice Rand glared at Barbara Jean. “You fucked Sulu, you old bitch? He IS the father of my child!” She lunged for Barbara Jean and Kirk wisely got in the way, unable to believe what he just heard. Sulu might have two kids?
The last lady, a redhead in science blues, also acknowledged she didn’t know who impregnated her.
Kirk sighed once more as he struggled to keep Janice away from Barbara Jean. His headache was turning into a full-blown migraine. Maybe he should have had these conversations individually. He could not believe it. His entire command crew was affected by McCoy’s massive blunder. They were all getting ready to become parents. All of them. All of them.
“Ladies, please. Please. Yeoman Rand, I order you to cease and desist. Ms. Thornton, can you please move over there? For now, everyone go back to your quarters. I will be speaking with all of you personally. But hear me clearly: I do not want you converging on Dr. McCoy unless you need medical attention and that is an order. We are all going to have to adjust to these children. They’re coming whether we want them or not.”
Kirk watched them leave. He had to go back to McCoy to get some aspirin for the massive headache he now had.
When he returned to his suite, Spock was on the bed with Nyota. She was sleeping. Kirk removed his shoes and took his place on the other side of her. As was the case when they were together, their hands linked over her belly. He took a moment to reflect that their hands were connected over their child.
“She is quite upset, Jim.” Spock said this without taking his eyes off Nyota.
“Can you blame her, Spock? I mean, we were just talking about having a family, but it was just talk. Unfortunately, we are not the only ones that have to deal with this.”
“Every member of the command crew is affected. There are nine other pregnant women due to McCoy’s big gaffe.”
Kirk was sure he had just witnessed the Vulcan equivalent of shock with the dual eyebrow raise. “Nine, Jim?” Spock’s voice went one octet higher than normal.
“That is inconvenient.”
“That’s a nice way to put it, but it’s the understatement of the century. The situation is far more than inconvenient. I’ve got to report this to Starfleet. Pike won’t be happy.” Kirk was trying to remember which regulations applied in this extraordinary instance.
“That is an understatement, Jim.” He ran his index finger over Kirk’s, which Kirk found very comforting. Their relationship was so easy.
“McCoy’s got another kid on the way, Chekov, Scotty, damn Sulu might have two…Nyota…we’re all going to be parents. All of us, if the mothers decide to keep their babies.”
Spock looked at him. “There is a chance that Nyota was pregnant before my Pon Farr?” There was a tinge of pain in Spock’s voice and it made Kirk ache.
“Yes. There’s a chance that the baby is mine.”
Spock looked at her stomach. “It does not matter whose child she carries, Jim. Not to me.”
Kirk knew that his lover meant it. “I don’t care either, Spock. I will love this baby no matter what.” He knew that he would adore a child with Nyota’s eyes and Spock’s ears as much as he would love a child that was his. Their love was like that.
“It would seem that you got your wish.” Spock looked at him.
“I didn’t expect for it to go down in this manner, Spock. I thought we’d be a bit more settled…our relationship formalized, something along those lines.”
“By formalized, you mean officially bonded to one another.”
“Or married.” Kirk had been secretly researching the possibility for months without mentioning it. He had discovered that the Federation recognized polygamist marriages and had done so for over a century. It was a comforting thought.
“It is not necessary, Jim.”
“I’m aware of that, Spock. But I would like for us to be formally committed.” He wanted his lovers to sport the intergalactic symbol for back the fuck off.
“We should proceed with these turn of events in a logical manner. Tomorrow, we will begin making all necessary arrangements, which includes the notification to Starfleet.”
“Tomorrow,” Kirk said. “I really don’t want to be bothered with the runaround tonight. I’m exhausted.”
“You look exhausted,” Spock said, reaching over to run the back of his hand over Kirk’s cheek. Kirk closed his eyes.
“Have you ever been surrounded by nine screaming women? I’m surprised I’m still here. For a moment there, I knew they were going to attack me.”
“Get some rest, t’hy’la.” Kirk smiled. He called Nyota k’diwa. “I will request a meal for Nyota and you. She needs to take better care of herself now. We must take care of her as well.”
Kirk sighed, putting his head next to hers on the pillow. “I’m gonna take a nap. Check in with the bridge and then have the meal sent up, Spock.”
“All right, Jim.”
Spock acknowledged that he didn’t want to leave the comfort of his lovers, but duty was duty and he knew Kirk needed to rest. He stood up and kissed him gently on the lips, and then did the same to Nyota. Their cocoon was a very nice place to be; a sanctuary from the rest of the world. Their love was so easy. He looked down at them, pleased to see Kirk’s hand come to rest protectively on Nyota’s belly; over their child.
Spock knew that Kirk was more distressed about the other nine women than he was about their lady love. He wanted this baby regardless of paternity. He also knew that they would adjust to this and their relationship would become stronger as a result. He was even more convinced that their love was meant to be.