“Captain Spock,” Trisha’s voice seemed to boom through the conn. “We will arrive in four hours and forty-two minutes.”
“Affirmative, Commander Baker,” he said.
Spock stood up and went over to her. “Lt. Uhura, if you could accompany me. Commander Moreau, you have the bridge.”
Marlena nodded. “Aye, Captain.”
Uhura looked up at him. As usual, his expression was stoic. He held out his hand and she took it. He escorted her off the bridge. In the turbolift, he started kissing her fingers.
She let him. “Where are we going, Spock? We won’t get there until about four hours from now.”
“I want to take this time and be with you and our baby before you leave,” he said, sucking the tips of her fingers. “If you find that acceptable.”
She bit her lip. “I do.” Thoughts flew through her mind, worries, contradictions, choices…everything was different now; everything. But she couldn’t say anything else. There was really nothing to say.
He tucked her hand into his arm and escorted her to their quarters. Once there, he secured the doors and instructed Marlena that he did not wish to be disturbed short of a red alert. Marlena acknowledged.
She let him remove her clothing and she removed his. It was right to be with him, to have this time together. She hoped that nothing would disturb them. She was glad that the baby wasn’t causing any sickness or discomfort, as she wanted this as much as he did.
“For once, I want you to see what I see,” he said. “Come and stand in front of the mirror.”
Uhura stood in front of the mirror, rubbing her belly. What would Captain Kirk say when she beamed into the transporter room—or somewhere on the ship—carrying five months’ worth of Mirrorverse baby? What would Spock say? The other ladies?
Did she really care?
Would she even beam aboard the ship?
Spock came up behind her and started moving his hands in large circles over her stomach. Uhura allowed him that for a few moments, but then turned around to look at him. She put her hands to Spock’s face and began kissing him, his forehead, eyebrows, the bridge of his nose, his eyelids, cheeks, chin, and lips. The blood within him heated as the kiss deepened. His arms came around her as he wondered if he would ever cease to want Uhura after she was gone.
He turned so that they were parallel to their mirror images. She moved her kisses to his neck as he rubbed her back and buttocks.
“You are lovelier now than you were when you first got here,” he murmured. “You are so beautiful pregnant, Nyota. I shall miss looking at you.”
“Don’t speak,” she said, looking at him. “Don’t talk.”
“Do not leave me, Nyota,” he said, cupping her face and impaling her with his eyes. “Forgive me. Stay with me. Do not take my child away.”
“Spock,” she moaned. “Please. Just kiss me.” That was easier than responding to his words, as each was an acid-tipped knife.
He claimed her mouth and then moved to her cheeks and ear. She slid her arms around his neck and arched so that he could access hers. He began at her neck, then down over her shoulders and arms, then her hands and her fingers, kissing each one, his dark eyes resolutely on her. She was lost in the midnight recesses of his penetrating obsidian gaze, feeling that time moved on for everyone else except for her and her baby’s father. She could feel nothing but Spock’s vibrating heartbeat. His warm, large hands went over her breasts, her nipples perking as he touched them, flicked them and kissed them. Then his ministrations continued; over her belly and around her navel and then those magnificent, skilled hands went lower. Uhura felt as if every single nerve ending she had was at attention and the fire that pooled in her belly was spreading upward.
They were outside of space, outside of time, on the outer edges of the observable universe, in their own little erotic bubble. Uhura would treasure this time spent in the adulation and appreciation of her husband. It was what it was. She had to face the truth. She did care deeply for Spock in spite of his abduction and she was so very conflicted about it all; the woman she’d become under his attentions, the fusing of her dual nature, her ability to express herself and know herself sexually, identification with women like her…all of who she was was because of him. She was a real woman now; not some female with puerile wishes and candy dreams suspended between the waking world and the dream world. Because of Spock’s heinous act, she was more alive now than she had ever been in her universe. She was able to feel, to live, to know herself and what she wanted. Because of Spock, she was going to be a mother. Because of Spock, she now had a deep intimate connection to someone and something, but was it enough to forgive him for his act?
Uhura was so conflicted.
“Turn,” he murmured. “I want you to see how you look when I make you come. You need to know this.”
She sighed, then obeyed and murmured in sheer delight when he massaged her back and shoulders, dropping kisses along her spine. He cupped each globe of her ass, kissing and nipping at the warm, soft flesh. Then he licked between them. Uhura hissed and clenched her fingers at his brazenness, feeling a mixture of shock and delight at the feel of his nose between her cheeks, gliding over her anus. Sweet baby gherkins, but the man was skilled. She spared a moment to silently thank the slave girls of Bellatrix IX for teaching Spock how to be a fantastic lover. Uhura had no one to compare him to, but was certain nonetheless. Trisha’s, Marlena’s and Sheila’s descriptions of their exes’ sexual abilities paled in comparison to Spock’s, and the men had all spent a lot of time on Bellatrix IX. Apparently, Spock was the only one who paid attention.
His fingers found her, curled into her and pulsed. He was content to have that, as the sight of her nearing orgasm was enough for his own. He rose to his feet, keeping his hand there, supporting her as she rode his fingers, bracing himself against the mirror.
She couldn’t help but look at herself. The woman in the mirror whose mouth was open, eyes flashing in desire, breath coming in wheezy spurts and dripping all over Spock’s hand was not the woman who accidentally beamed aboard six months ago. She was not the woman her old crewmates knew. Her time in the Mirrorverse had forever changed her. The baby under her heart was merely tangible proof.
Her cries escaped her; his name and a long low moan. Uhura’s knees trembled as she came down but she could not stand on her own. Spock licked his fingers and then put them to her lips. Wordlessly, she sucked them, staring at the pair of them. It was...almost…as if was meant to be and should have been.
Sheila had asked her if she knew then what she knew now and could have chosen, would she have chosen to stay? Uhura couldn’t answer that. Part of her wanted to stay and part of her wanted to go.
After a moment, they were just standing in front of the mirror. Spock’s face was in her neck and his hands wandered over her belly. He was murmuring things, transmitting thoughts; his emotional conveyance was so potent that tears sprang to her eyes and she had to ask herself what in the hell she was doing.
“Love our child,” he said. “Do not let it think ill of me, Nyota, in spite of what I did.”
“I wouldn’t do that,” she said.
“You have pleased me,” he said. “As much as a Vulcan can be pleased. For that, I am grateful.”
Uhura didn’t respond, but nodded. She had found happiness here, especially as of late. But there was the need, the desire to go home. She could return to her universe with Spock’s child; she could love it and raise it. And she wouldn’t explain a damn thing to anybody. Fuck what they thought. They would NEVER get within touching distance of the truth.
Her mind was at war with her heart. ‘You can do that here! You have everything here; you don’t have what you thought you did there…what are you doing, Nyota? What are you doing? You can kill yourself and the baby if you try to go home! WHAT ARE YOU DOING???’
Uhura wasn’t sure if she could feel anything for another man again. She already knew that Spock threw her thermostat completely out of whack and she didn’t know if she could manage even tepid feelings for another.
She wasn’t sure if she wanted to.
They moved to the bed and lay down together. Spock put his cheek against her belly and closed his eyes. He had no more words. There was nothing more to be said. He made his plea and she would either stay or go. He had no right to keep her here if she didn’t want to remain. He did not voice his concerns about the danger of her transporting through an ion storm five months pregnant or the likelihood of her ending up in a bulkhead or in out in space, dead. His baby, dead. Uhura already knew those things. And if she thought that such a fate was preferable to remaining here as his wife, then there was nothing he could do about it.
Spock escorted her to the transporter room. When they entered, Sheila, Marlena and Trisha were there. Trisha manned the console and her eyes were red. Marlena was somber. Sheila stood next to K’avir and there were angry tears in her eyes.
“Captain,” she said. “If you don’t mind, I want a word with your wife.”
“I do not mind,” Spock said. He released Uhura’s hand and kissed her fingers. Sheila stomped over to her and led her off to a corner. Marlena and Trisha followed.
“Nyota, what the fuck are you doing?” Sheila asked. “Are you actually going to do this?”
“Are you crazy?” Trisha said. “Do you know the chances of this actually working? There’s a 99.998% chance that you’re going to kill yourself and the baby if you go through with this!”
“Nyota, is it worth it?” Marlena asked. “Is it so bad that you would risk the baby to go back home?”
Uhura wiped her face. “Don’t do this. Don’t do this to me. I’m upset enough!”
“Why?” Sheila raged. “Why are you upset if you want to go home? We know why you’re upset; it’s because you know this is wrong!”
“This is your home, Nyota!” Trisha said. “We don’t mean to gang up on you, but this is foolishness! I won’t do it. I won’t be a party to your death. I won’t help you kill your baby. I won’t touch that transporter when it’s time. Don’t ask me to do it because I won’t!”
“Neither will I,” Sheila said. “Marlena won’t do it either. You’d better hope Spock does it.”
“No,” Marlena said. “You’re being selfish, Nyota. I mean, I can understand why you were so upset; your choice to be here was taken away from you. But is your need for revenge so great that you’d do something so stupid? Because this is stupid.”
“Spock’s playing it cool,” Sheila said, “because he understands he’s the reason for all of this. Do you love him at all, Nyota? Even a little bit? He’s the father of your child; do you feel anything at all for him? If you leave him and take his baby, he will be devastated. He won’t show it, but we will all know. What reason would he have to continue being captain if the motivation for the rebellion is gone? What’s going to happen to us if he decides he doesn’t care anymore?”
Uhura felt a faint tremor in her stomach. “Of course I care for him, Sheila. I do. He is my baby’s father, but he kidnapped me! He took me away from the life I had; the life I knew! What do you want me to do?”
“I don’t have to tell you because you know. You know what you should do!”
“I’ll say it,” Trisha snapped. “Forgive him. Absolve him of it. It’s all right to forgive.”
“What life?” Marlena asked. “According to what you told us, your life was…all right. You were content to be where you were, doing what you were doing.”
“You also said the man you cared for didn’t return your affection,” Sheila said. She was kind enough not to mention Spock’s name, but Trisha and Marlena glared at her.
“Now isn’t the time to get into it,” Uhura said, looking around. Spock was speaking to K’avir.
“Well, when’s a good time?” Trisha snapped. “I mean, you’re leaving in ten minutes or so, so why not get into it now?”
“Nyota!” Marlena said. “What are you going back to? You’re never going to find what you have here. You won’t. I mean, yes it was under foul circumstances how you got here, but does that matter in the long run if you’re happy?”
Sheila jumped in. “And don’t tell us you aren’t happy! You’ve been singing for the past two months! People don’t sing when they’re miserable. Spock treats you like a fucking goddess! And you’re going back to a man who could give a shit about you? Make me understand, Nyota. Make me understand and then you can leave.”
Uhura put up her hand. “I’m sorry. I know you don’t understand it, but I have to do this! I have to. I—” Her stomach fluttered and she put a hand over it, trying to calm the baby. Did the baby need calming or was she trying to convince herself that she wasn’t being stubborn.
“Fine,” Trisha snapped, cutting her off. “Good luck.” She turned and walked out of the transporter room.
Marlena looked at her. “I wish you’d reconsider. I mean, you’re our friend! Doesn’t that count for something?”
“Yes, Marlena. It does. I don’t mean to hurt anyone, but this was never my home! I should have the final decision over my life and what I should and should not do! He had no right to take me, no matter how happy I may be! I can’t make you understand that!”
“Is where you’re going home? Is it really? Is it?”
“You don’t understand,” Uhura said. “You guys were here; you were used to things as they were…”
“Correct me if I’m wrong,” Sheila said. “But didn’t Trisha and I tell you that we were taken from our original locations? Taken. Not asked or given a choice. What happened to you happened to us. And you know what? I wouldn’t go back. Lenny was a total shit, but I’m not the woman I was before he took me. I wouldn’t go back to that place or that life. You changed things for us, Nyota. Spock’s love for you changed everything. Everything. How selfish can you be?”
“Selfish enough to want to endanger your baby,” Marlena said. “You’re right; the choice is yours. I won’t try to stop you if you want to do this. Take care of yourself. If you survive.”
Marlena turned and left.
Sheila stared at her friend, tears running down her cheeks. “Nothing we say matters? Nothing?”
“Sheila, you know I love all of you. I do. I do; you guys saved me in more ways than you can ever know. But part of me wants to go back home.”
“This is your home, Nyota. Here you have a husband who will move the galaxy for you and a starship full of women willing to defend you and help you raise your child. Tell me that you’ll have that back in your universe. Convince me that will happen and I won’t say another word about this.”
“You know I can’t do that, Sheila.”
“Then don’t be stupid. Don’t go.”
“Sheila, please. Please.”
“Nyota,” Spock said. “It’s time.”
Marlena and Trisha returned. Both had been crying; Uhura could tell from their faces. It made her heart ache to know that she was so loved and would be missed by such phenomenal women. Sheila stood in front of K’avir, arms folded, angry tears in her eyes.
“Good bye, Marlena. Bye, Trisha. Bye, Sheila. I do love you and will never forget you. I’m sorry it has to be like this, but I thank you for your friendship. I would never have survived without it.”
“Yes you would,” Marlena said.
“I will NEVER forgive you for this, you bitch,” Sheila hissed. “Never!”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry, Sheila.”
“Just go,” Trisha said. “Go on.”
Spock walked over to Uhura and took her hands. He stared at her for a very long moment and kissed her fingers and palms, pressing them against his face and beard.
“Nyota,” he murmured. He pulled her to him for a hug and a kiss on the lips. Then he knelt and put his hand on her stomach. He did not speak but she could feel it.
“Spock,” she gasped, putting her hands over his. She felt another twitter, a flutter, a tremor…was the baby acknowledging its father? Was the baby sending her a message, a signal?
He stood up and kissed her forehead. “Live long and prosper, Nyota. Take care of our child.”
She held his hand and met his eyes, trying to be brave. “Goodbye, Spock. I’ll do my best.”
He held her hand and escorted her up the transporter steps. She turned around to look at the Mirrorverse transporter room one last time. She closed her eyes, expecting the memory that drove her to be firmly lodged in her mind. But it wasn’t. Instead, she was flooded with many other memories and she closed her eyes tight.
Spock stepped away, moving back towards the console. “Commander Baker, please engage the transporter.”
“I’m sorry, Captain,” Trisha said. “You’re going to have to relieve me of duty or throw me in the brig for insubordination because I won’t kill your baby. I won’t do it and I don’t care what you have to say. I’m not touching that machine.”
Spock looked at Sheila and Marlena. “Don’t even ask me, sir.” Sheila said. “You can throw me in the brig right along with Trisha.”
“Me too, Captain. I can’t do this. I can’t even watch.” Marlena turned around.
Trisha turned away and put her arm around Marlena. Sheila turned towards K’avir and pressed against him. He put an arm around her.
Spock didn’t argue. Instead, he went over to the transporter console and put one hand on the dial and the other hand on the three switches. “We have a minute left,” he said, looking at her. “Please love my baby, Nyota.”
Uhura nodded. Her heart was screaming and she couldn’t stop her tears. She held her stomach, trying to ignore the fluttering and the twitching.
‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU INSANE? DO YOU HATE HIM THAT MUCH? DO YOU HATE THIS BABY THAT YOU CARRY? DO YOU HATE HIM AND HATE IT ENOUGH TO KILL IT? NYOTA UHURA, WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THIS IS NOT YOU!!! DO NOT DO THIS!!!’
‘I’m going home. I’m going home… I’m going home. I’m going home… I’m going home. I’m going home…’
The baby was moving. Was it possible that she could feel it so early? Something was happening to her baby. She could feel it stirring inside of her. Was it trying to tell her something?
Spock sighed. “Energize.” He started to turn the dial and moved to push the switches.
Uhura swallowed and choked out, “Wait…”